I have to tell you that I have this crazy relationship with my refrigerator. It’s huge so everything fits in. It has great lighting and it has a cleanliness factor. I love it. We just moved and where I go, it’s going too.
For me it’s easy to relate to it, no mystery there.
Now when we talk about the relationship between people there is mystery around what constitutes a connection, how we connect, to whom we are connected and the why’s. What draws us to someone? Really not a mystery, is it how they look, smell, the clothing they wear, where they are from? As well as what our needs and judgments are, and who they remind us of. Lots of stuff to take into consideration. How we uncover the mystery and the clues is intriguing. First: Listen for the clues in how you are feeling, what you notice, and do your best not to immediately react. What you notice provides information. Work with it. Oh, one thing to mention is this: How important is this relationship? If you want it, go for the clues.
What do we do with these clues once we identify them? Remember that everything that comes up is a clue and is there to tell us a story about this relationship and what it will take to have it work.
Recognizing your judgments, concerns, and questions through listening leads to understanding our relationships. When the clue comes, take it deeper and deeper to get to the truth of the connection. Di-sect the clue to its place of origin and ask the appropriate question. I want to mention that no matter how great you are at the relationship thing, as long as you are living and breathing and a member of society, you will face relationship challenges along the way that will require ingenuity and creative problem solving. It’s not a mystery, it’s listening. Keep learning, keep listening.
Uncovering the mystery supports us everywhere we turn, at home, at the office, and of course with ourselves. (Let’s not forget that, which is, maybe, the greatest mystery of all).
“Relationshiping” comes with an influx of thoughts, feelings, ideas, purpose, judgments, fears, desires, and you fill in the blank. Unlike the refrigerator, the relationship between individuals is a two-way street or more when more people are involved and stems from an undetermined amount of influences. Some of these influences are obvious and some not so much. Sometimes we have to be OK with the fact that relationships take on a life of their own. The life a relationship takes on is connected to our state of mind, heart and the mystery.
The greatest gift you can give yourself in relationship is being somewhat pragmatic and listening. I say pragmatic because there is acceptance, understanding, openness and forgiveness. And listening is your key. Listening unlocks the mystery to dissecting a relationship’s parts and exposing faith, clarity and ultimately the connection.
One piece of advice I would like to leave you with is this:
Connection is connection. Appreciate it. Don’t measure it. Water it and watch your relationship grow. There is a potential connection with everyone. You can listen it into being.
Really and truly, there is no mystery.